


Couldn't Hold On Tight Enough

by theworldswecantsee



Series: Hold Me Tighter, Hold Me Closer [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Cussing, Gay Feelings, M/M, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, There is a cat, bokuto's home life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 11:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6078219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworldswecantsee/pseuds/theworldswecantsee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hurry up and cheer up. I’m here. Come on, my mom is making pancakes.” </p><p>“With chocolate chips?” Bokuto asked weakly.</p><p>“Of course,” Keiji feigned offense which made Bokuto let out a soft giggle. “What are pancakes without chocolate chips?”</p><p>“An abomination.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Couldn't Hold On Tight Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me for I have sinned (and not the good kind of sinning).

Bokuto wasn’t jumping as high as he usually does. Keiji noticed as soon as they started practice but Bokuto didn’t say anything was hurting him. In fact, he wasn’t saying much of anything. Bokuto still greeted his teammates will a bright smile and his respective hellos to each member, still gave Keiji a too big hug, still had a stupid smile on his face, but something was off.

Then Keiji saw it. As Bokuto went to spike the ball his shorts rode up just enough to see the slightest sliver of skin between his knee pads and shorts. Except the skin was an exceptionally nasty shade of purple.

Bokuto missed the ball.

“Why on earth didn’t you bandage your leg, Bokuto?” Keiji asked, horrified that Bokuto had somehow majorly damaged his leg.

Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck with a guilty look across his face. “Haha, oops. Looks like you noticed it. Of course you did, Akaashi. You’re so smart!”

“Bench, now.” Keiji said through his teeth.

“Aw, it’s just a bruise, Akaashi! It’s fine!” Bokuto laughed nervously and Keiji noticed they were starting to grab the attention of their teammates.

“Now, Bokuto-san,” he was seething.  Bokuto must have realized he had no chance of winning and made his way to one of the benches moping.

 Keiji quickly informed the coach of the situation and made his way to where Bokuto was sitting after retrieving the first aid kit from the storage closet. He gently and slowly tugged down Bokuto’s kneepad in an attempt to not hurt the ace but almost as soon as he started Bokuto gasped and tears started filling his eyes.

Keiji was pretty sure someone whistled but he was more concentrated on not hurting his friend more then what this whole situation must have looked like from another point of view.

It was not “just a bruise” but also a long, deep cut down the side of his thigh.

“ _Shit_ , Bokuto. What happened? How were you able to jump just now? Hell, how are you able to walk?” Keiji was talking as he started putting disinfectant on the cut. He knew Bokuto was smart enough to do that much but it didn’t hurt to put more on.

“There was a cat stuck in a tree. I couldn’t just leave it there, Akaashi, so I climbed up to help it down but I lost my balance and fell. My leg caught one of the branches but that’s it.”

 _He’s lying._ Keiji sighed and when Bokuto reached for one his hands he let him squeeze it until Keiji was sure his bones were being crushed.

“It stings, _Akaashi_ ,” Bokuto whined and Keiji figured he’d put enough disinfectant on and escaped Bokuto’s death grip so he could wrap a bandage around it.

“Don’t be so careless, Bokuto. We need you here. Hopefully it will get better in the few days. Please go the hospital if it gets worse.” Keiji started tied of the bandage and began putting the first aid kit up. He then decided to humor Bokuto and not question his story. “And the next time you want to save a cat call the fire department.”

“You’re the best, Akaashi!” Bokuto gave him one his stunning smiles but Keiji still felt like something was off about it… _He’s wearing conealer_. Keiji frowned. How could he not have noticed earlier?

“We’re putting some ice on that cheek when we get my house later,” he said as he turned toward the court to return to practice.

 

~~

 

The walk to Keiji’s house was quiet and it was making Keiji nervous. Bokuto always had something to say no matter what and this silence was unusual. It didn’t help that he was obviously limping and Keiji wasn’t sure if he should offer to help in fear that Bokuto would be stubborn. He went for it anyway.

“Bokuto-san,” he said slowly, as if Bokuto would break if he spoke to suddenly. “Do want to lean on me?”

Bokuto nodded and draped his arm over Keiji’s shoulders. They stumbled a few times but were mostly in sync with each other’s movements from working together in volleyball.

Keiji thanked every god he knew of that his house was so close to the school because he was close to collapsing by the time he made it the front door and was sure Bokuto was in a far worse state. After stumbling a bit or the key, Keiji unlocked the door and they both fell into the entranceway, literally. Keiji was able to twist his body so that he landed on the ground first and Bokuto on top of him. He did not, however, think through what their positions would be like after landing on the floor.

Bokuto’s arms caged in Keiji’s head and their faces were far too close for comfort. Both of them were breathing hard and Keiji was positive his eyes were as wide as Bokuto’s were.

“Keiji?” Akaashi heard his mother from the kitchen. “Is that you? Is Bokuto-kun with you?”

Keiji couldn’t find the strength to break eye contact with Bokuto and answered shakily, “Yes, mom.”

“Akaashi,” Bokuto whispered. “Ice.” Keiji was certain Bokuto must have been hit in the head as well until he remembered the conealer crudely covering Bokuto’s cheek. Keiji felt his face heat up as Bokuto carefully picked himself up.

“Right, sorry.” Keiji pushed himself off the ground and took off his shoes and jacket. He walked to the kitchen where is mom was at the stove with Bokuto following him. “Mom, we’re going to need your makeup remover.” An odd statement in itself but Keiji couldn’t help but laugh a bit at is mom’s face, twisted in confusion.

“I’m sorry, what?” her green eyes stared at him warily and then at Bokuto which must have helped clear up the confusion. “Bokuto, dear, next time at least make sure it matches your skin tone. I’ll be right back.”  She left what looked to be the beginning of a stew and the two boys in the kitchen and rushed upstairs to receive her makeup remover.

Keiji went to the freezer to get an ice pack and his mom entered the kitchen again as he turned around. She immediately got to work on removing the makeup Bokuto had clumsily smeared on his face. Keiji nearly had a heart attack before even most of it was gone. He had already noticed a slight swelling and discoloration but the purple and brown covering his cheek made Keiji sick to his stomach.

_He definitely got punched._

If Keiji was angry before, he was furious now. He didn’t have to be smart to know someone had done this to Bokuto. What he couldn’t understand is why they would do this to him. Sure Bokuto was a little sporadic at times, but he was not a mean person. If anything, he was the kindest person Keiji had ever had met.

“Keiji, are you going to give him the ice pack or not?” his mom ask in a somehow calm voice.

“Right, yes. Sorry.” Keiji forced his legs to move towards Bokuto. Instead of giving Bokuto the ice pack, Keiji placed it on his cheek himself wishing there was something more he could do.

_His eyes look so empty._

Keiji was ready for murder. Bokuto did not deserve this.

“I’m tired, Akaashi.” A simple statement, really, but Keiji felt it meant more. No, he knew it meant more.

“You boys go upstairs, then, and take a nap. I’ll call you when dinner is ready.” Keiji smiled at his mother before grabbing at Bokuto’s wrist to drag him upstairs. He pulled Bokuto into the shower and sat Bokuto down before wrapping a towel around his shoulders.

“I figured you’d be more comfortable if you didn’t have all that gel in your hair.” Keiji pushed Bokuto’s head back a bit as he turned on the shower and brought the shower head over his head. The gel slowly started washing away and it was completely gone after rinsing the shampoo out. If Keiji were being honest with himself, he would have considered keeping his hands running through Bokuto’s hair for a little while longer. However, he turned off the water all too soon and he was drying Bokuto’s hair with another towel.

 “Do you want to go take a nap now?” Bokuto hummed in response and followed Keiji into his bedroom. Keiji handed him some pajamas Bokuto had left before and then changed into his own. They crawled into bed as soon as the lights were off and Keiji was pretty sure Bokuto was asleep before his head hit the pillow. He would have laughed if Bokuto wasn’t so beat up.

Sharing a bed had long sense been considered odd for them and Keiji would even say he slept better when they did. Keiji wondered what it would be like if they were actually together, wondered if Bokuto would hold him while they slept or maybe Keiji would be the one holding Bokuto.

Keiji quickly shook away these thoughts and turned away from Bokuto. Besides, he was, like, 90% sure Bokuto was straight. He’d probably be disgusted if he knew Keiji had these thoughts of him, as innocent as they are. Okay, so not all of them were innocent, but it still didn’t matter. He had a giant gay crush on his best friend who also had gotten hurt and there was nothing he could do because Bokuto decided lying was better than telling his best friend the truth.

_Besides, he’s got a girlfriend._

He gasped at the feeling of arms wrapping themselves around his torso and pulling Keiji back.

“B-Bokuto!” Keiji squirmed a bit but unfortunately Bokuto was as strong as he looked.

“Sorry,” Bokuto mumbled, his breath blowing tickling the back of Keiji’s neck. “Just stay like this for a bit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind Bokuto-san,” Keiji rushed out, fighting the blush he felt crawling across his face.

“Thanks, ‘kaashi,” Bokuto mumbled as he pressed his face into the back of Keiji’s neck.

Keiji was 85% Bokuto was straight.

 

~~

 

Keiji jumped awake at the pounding on his bedroom door. It took him a moment to remember why he was in his bed so early and why he felt a weight around his stomach.

“Keiji! Your mom said dinner was ready! You and Bokuto hurry up and get down here!” Keiji heard his dad yell from the other side of the door. Keiji sighed. _That’s right. Bokuto is here._

“Bokuto-san, time to get up,” Keiji started poking the arms around his stomach. He felt them tighten and heard quiet giggles from the boy lying next to him. _Wow, that’s adorable._ Keiji twisted his body so he was facing Bokuto and started tickling his sides.

“A-Akaashi! Stop!” Bokuto started squirming to try and get out of Keiji’s reach but he was laughing too hard to do anything other than make it worse for himself.

“You didn’t get up in time. You must be punished,” Keiji attempted to look serious but Bokuto looked so adorable it was hard not to smile. Keiji was about to move his hand back into motion but his door was opened suddenly and his dad was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. He obviously trying to hide a smile but still somehow managed a straight face.

“Should I even ask?” his dad asked, one eyebrow raised. It was then that Keiji realized the position he was in and tried to stop the blush he felt creeping up his face. His dad had in fact, just walked in on Keiji straddling Bokuto. In his bed. With the lights off.

Fuck his life.

“Akaashi-san!” Bokuto exclaimed. “Your son is trying to kill me! Save me!” Bokuto reached his arms out towards Keiji’s father as though it would help him.

“He wouldn’t get up!” Keiji tried to defend himself.

His father sighed, “Just get your selves to the kitchen before the food is cold.” He walked off chuckling to himself.

Keiji scrambled off Bokuto and turned back to help him up. Despite the glowing smile on his face, Keiji couldn’t help but notice that Bokuto seemed paler than he was a few moments ago. When Keiji grabbed his hand to help him up, he notice it was slightly shaking. He was either terrified or starving and Keiji wasn’t sure which one made him more concerned.

Keiji hauled him off the bed and was surprised to find it took a lot less effort than it should have. Now that he thought about it, Bokuto hadn’t been at lunch all week but Keiji had just assumed he was studying for exams. Bokuto didn’t look skinnier but his clothes could easily be hiding how thin he actually was.

They walked down to the kitchen in silence, still holding hands. Keiji didn’t notice he was still grasping Bokuto’s shaky hand until they were outside the kitchen entrance. Bokuto seemed to have noticed as well and quickly pulled his hand back. Keiji hid his disappointment and continued into the kitchen where his parents were setting the table.

“Welcome back to the living, you two!” Keiji’s mom greeted them. “Go ahead and take a seat, Bokuto. Keiji, come help your father, would you.” Keiji sighed and went to help his dad with the food while his mom and Bokuto started talking about a volleyball game that happened been on TV the night before.

“Oh, Keiji, I almost forgot,” His mom started as he and his dad sat down. “That boy, Tachibana Rei, came by while you were at practice.”

Keiji glared at his mother in disgust and attempted to suppress the dark memories that began filling his mind. “And what did you tell him?”

“To get the hell off our property and if I ever saw him again I would have the cops on his ass in five seconds flat,” his mother responded proudly and his father laughed. Keiji’s face relaxed into a soft smile.

“Thank you.”

“Who?” Bokuto asked and sent a worried glance to Keiji.

“I’ll tell you later, Bokuto-san.” Bokuto seemed to be satisfied with that, trusting that Keiji would tell him, and turned to the food in front of him.

 After a few minutes of silence his father spoke up, which was surprising as he, like Keiji, preferred the quiet. “So, Bokuto, do you have a girlfriend?”

Bokuto seemed a bit startled at the sudden question and nearly choked on the food he had just put in his mouth.

“Oh yeah, aren’t you dating that blond from 3-C?” Keiji added. He had remembered Bokuto mentioning her the other week but wasn’t sure if they were still dating. Bokuto swallowed his food and started fidgeting like he was nervous.

“We, uh, broke up,” Bokuto said quietly, looking almost guilty.

“What? When? Why didn’t you tell me?” Keiji had a bad feeling about Bokuto’s reaction. He had broken up with girls before but it never seemed to bother him much. When Keiji thought about it, he never really felt that Bokuto ever cared that much about dating in the first place. He knew he was nice but Keiji wouldn’t doubt for one minute that Bokuto did it because he felt obligated to.

“It was yesterday. I was going to tell you but stuff happened so…” Keiji was calling bullshit but wasn’t going to make a scene in front of his parents.

“She wasn’t the one who did that to your face was she?” Keiji was surprised at his mother’s sudden question.

“No! I fell from a tree! Don’t worry, Akaashi-san!” Bokuto laughed nervously has he reached for his drink.

Keiji turned to his father and made eye contact. He could read his father’s face clearly – Bokuto was most certainly lying. It was times like these that Keiji was glad his father was a therapist.

“You need to be more careful, Bokuto dear!” Keiji could tell his mother was humoring Bokuto. He had to stifle a laugh as he watched Bokuto get flustered at being called “dear” and stumble out a “yes ma’am”.

“Hey, Bokuto, are you staying over tonight?” Keiji asked and watched Bokuto stiffen.

“I- is that okay, Akaashi?” Bokuto seemed to be tentative as though Keiji would turn him down.

“We would love for you to stay over, Bokuto!” Keiji’s mom exclaimed. “And while you’re at it, why don’t you call Keiji by his first name when you’re here. It makes things less confusing.” She sent a wink towards Keiji and he could see his father smirking out of the corner of his eye. He felt heat rise to his cheek and heard Bokuto choking and stumbling over his words.

Keiji couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s okay, Bokuto-san. I don’t mind if you do,” Keiji did his best to keep his voice steady.

Bokuto seemed to gain a bit of his confidence. “Okay, but then you have to call me by mine!”

Keiji’s face grew even warmer. “Fine.”

“Fine.”

His mother was in a fit of giggles and even his father let out a low chuckle. Keiji felt like they had planned this just to torture him. He quickly ate what food was left on his plate and brought it to the sink.

“Come on,” Keiji fought the blush on his cheeks. “Let’s go get our homework over with.”

“But it’s Friday!” Bokuto whined from where he was still seated. Keiji ignored him and continued to walk out of the kitchen. He heard Bokuto grumble and scraping of the chair on the floor. Keiji smirked and made his way up to his room, hearing Bokuto’s footsteps following behind him.

 “What’s up?” Bokuto asked as he closed the bedroom door and Keiji turned on the lights. “You never do homework on Friday.”

“I do sometimes,” Keiji shot back knowing he sounded like a child.

Bokuto gave him a look that said he didn’t believe him. “Keiji, you’re responsible but not that responsible.”

If Bokuto’s face was red then Keiji’s face must have looked like it was on fire. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. In hindsight, Keiji realized it shouldn’t have been a big deal. Close friends use each other’s first names all the time so why should they be any different?

Keiji was in luck, though, because Bokuto seemed to get over the embarrassment quicker and spoke first. “Seriously, what’s wrong? Who’s this Tachibana kid?”

Keiji sighed and motioned Bokuto to sit on the bed. Once Bokuto was seated Keiji pressed himself against him and Bokuto wrapped his arm around his shoulders to pull Keiji closer. Keiji felt comfortable like this, like he was completely protected from the outside world. Nothing could hurt him while he was in Bokuto’s arms.

“If I tell you have to tell me what really happened to your face and leg. And you have to promise not to hate me,” Keiji stared at Bokuto’s face as he said this.

“I could never hate you, Keiji,” Bokuto squeezed the arm around Keiji’s shoulders. “If I tell you what happened you have to promise not to hate me, too.”

“I could never hate you, Koutarou,” Keiji whispered. Their eyes met and Keiji only saw absolute trust in Bokuto’s eyes and hoped that’s what Bokuto saw in his as well.

“He was my boyfriend the last year of middle school,” Keiji turned to look anywhere other than Bokuto’s face. “He used me to get what he wanted and then he left. That’s all there is to it.”

He felt Bokuto’s arms get tighter around him. “Silly, Keiji. Why would I hate you just because some jackass didn’t realize he had someone amazing?”

“You’re ridiculous, Koutarou,” Keiji curled in on himself. “I let him use me. I’m disgusting.”

“Absolutely not!” Bokuto was now gripping Keiji’s arms and pinning him against the wall in the process. “You are so much more than some dickhead who couldn’t appreciate how beautiful you are! You’re intelligent and kind and strong and I honestly don’t understand why anyone would want to leave you!”

Bokuto’s grip kept getting tighter and Keiji was close to mentioning it when he was suddenly pulled against Bokuto’s chest.

“Stupid, you’ll hurt your leg more,” Keiji said against Bokuto’s chest. He pulled back and smiled sheepishly. Keiji watched him closely as he slowly pulled them into the position they were in first, Bokuto’s arm back around his shoulders. “You have to tell me what happened to you.”

Bokuto sighed, “The girl from 3-C, um, our dads our close business partners so we were kind of pressured into a relationship. Neither of us liked it, she liked someone else and I’m the way I am so…”

“The way you are? What is that supposed to mean?”

Bokuto ignored Keiji and kept going, “We broke it off yesterday. It was completely mutual and if anything we’re closer friends now than we were before. Luckily her parents took it well and respected her decisions; mine weren’t too pleased, though.”

“You’re parents beat you because you got yourself out of an unhealthy relationship?” Keiji was having trouble believing what he was hearing. Bokuto was a really bad liar, though, and he definitely wasn’t lying now.

“What? No! They just didn’t give me dinner last night for that. The cut is because my cat knocked over a vase and my mom got angry and threw one of the broken pieces at me. I don’t really know why I got punched. My dad was drunk so it really could have been for anything. Maybe I breathed wrong.” Bokuto let out an airy laugh at the last part and was obviously looking anywhere other than Keiji’s face. Keiji could tell the last part was a lie. Bokuto obviously knew why he was hit was Keiji had already pried enough.

“They could go to prison for that.” To say Keiji was angry was an understatement; he was furious and ready for murder. Disregarding the fact he could go to prison as well if he did that.

“You don’t think I’ve tried that already?” Bokuto turned and was staring straight into Keiji’s eyes. “I’ve already tried that a year ago when I finally realized that what they were doing wasn’t what normal parents do to their kids. They’re too important. It’s kind of difficult to get the government on your parents’ asses when your mother is a major government figure.”

Bokuto looked about as hopeless as Keiji felt. He had let go of Keiji and had curled up into himself, his knees against his chest and arms locking his legs in place. Keiji wished he had inherited his father’s ability to comfort people. He pried Bokuto’s arms from around his legs and made him stretch out his bad leg. He pulled Bokuto closer and wrapped his arms around his torso.

“Stay here for the weekend,” Keiji said with his cheek pressed against Bokuto’s chest. “We can play video games and watch movies.”

“We have homework, too,” Bokuto ran his fingers through Keiji’s hair and held him tighter. Keiji didn’t have to look up to know that Bokuto was trying not to cry. His whole body was shaking from silent sobs.

“Nope. Homework can fuck off,” Keiji heard Bokuto let out a soft, shaky chuckle.

It wasn’t long before Keiji felt himself being pulled to sleep. He fell asleep to what felt like soft lips against his head and the thought that he probably should have turned off the light.

 

~~

 

  _Blood._

_It looked brighter flowing down his pale leg. The pain was a familiar sting, hardly there at all. His mind felt numb and his hands were on autopilot. The small razor glided along his skin like it belonged there. Blood was on his fingers and made crimson drops on white tiles of the bathroom floor._

_The pain was so familiar._

 

~~

 

Keiji woke with a jolt and nausea rising in his stomach. He glanced to the side to see Bokuto curled up next to him, arms wrapped around Keiji’s torso and still sound asleep. His hair was splayed out across the pillow and a peaceful look on his face.

_If only you could always look this calm._

Keiji slowly pried himself out of Bokuto’s strong grip and made his way to the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror as he took off his clothes so he could take a shower. He stopped before removing his boxers. They were still there – some more noticeable than others – and Keiji choked back a sob.

The scars that traveled down his thighs where reminders of how weak he had been. The last was made over a year ago but he still had the urge to add more every now and then. It terrified him that he still thought about it. He felt as though he could fall for the temptation in a heartbeat and he wouldn’t be able to stop.

_I’m so pathetic._

He turned away from the mirror and continued undressing. He kept the shower too hot like he always did after getting into the habit when he made the first scar to decorate his right thigh.

_Bo-Koutarou would be disgusted if he found out._

But then, he hadn’t been disgusted to find out Keiji had dated a guy. He hadn’t even seemed disgusted after Keiji had practically admitted to having sex with a guy, whether he actually said that or not. Keiji shuddered at the memory and let out a sob.

He really was pathetic. Here he was dwelling on his life when Bokuto had it a thousand times worse. He couldn’t figure out how someone is able to cause harm to someone as fantastic as Bokuto. He didn’t deserve it in the least.

How could he not have noticed Bokuto had been hurting? He must have come to school beaten a hundred times and never said a word. He always acted so cheerful and when he was down it never lasted long. Keiji thought he finally figured Bokuto out, knew every inch of his personality to discover but he suddenly felt like he knew nothing.

The extra bruises made sense now. The exhaustion in the morning clicked. All the stalling he did to get home added up. It was all so obvious and all Keiji did was right it off as recklessness.

He punched the shower wall in anger and finished washing up.

Walking back into his room after his shower, Keiji was greeted with Bokuto curled up with the covers over his head and loud heart wrenching sobs shaking his whole body. Keiji felt panic build up in his stomach and rushed to Bokuto’s side.

“Koutarou, what happened?” Keiji tried yanking the covers off of Bokuto but his grip was too strong. “Koutarou, what’s wrong. You have to tell me what happened so I can help.”

Bokuto whimpered in response but slowly removed the covers off his head. His eyes were wide and swollen, his cheeks tear stained.

“I thought you had left me,” Bokuto responded weakly.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Koutarou. This is my house. If I wanted you gone I would have kicked you out by now.” Keiji tried to pull back the covers some more but Bokuto kept them in a death grip. “I need you to let go of the sheets so I can get under them with you,” Keiji sighed.

After a moment Bokuto slowly let go of the covers and allowed Keiji to join him. Keiji laced his fingers through the other’s multicolored hair to try and comfort him. He wiped the tears that still fell down Bokuto’s face and pulled him a little closer.

“Hurry up and cheer up. I’m here. Come on, my mom is making pancakes.”

“With chocolate chips?” Bokuto asked weakly.

“Of course,” Keiji feigned offense which made Bokuto let out a soft giggle. “What are pancakes without chocolate chips?”

“An abomination,” Bokuto was starting to sound like his usual self.

“That’s right but you don’t get any if you don’t get up.” Keiji tried to sound serious but he’s pretty sure he failed. In all honestly he would have no problem with going down ask his mom to bring up their breakfast, but Bokuto had to get out of bed at some point and this seemed like the easiest way.

“But Keiji-“

“No buts! Get up.”

“Fine,” Bokuto pushed himself up and winced as he did so.

“Is your leg hurting? Let’s get some painkillers first, yeah?”  Keiji asked worried that his leg might have gotten worse. Bokuto nodded and they made their way to the bathroom before heading downstairs.

“Ah, they live,” Keiji’s father says when they enter the kitchen. He looked them up and down for a moment from his seat at the table and sighed. “Mei, I won.” He had a smug smile on his face as Keiji’s mother turns from where she is at the stove.

“But I thought for sure – “ she stopped herself and just grumbled to herself as she went back to what Keiji assumed to be pancakes. Keiji and Bokuto shared a confused look. “How’s your leg, Bokuto?”

“Oh, it still hurts a little but I can walk properly now,” Bokuto responded as he took his place at the table next to Keiji.

“Your face still looks a bit swollen, though,” Keiji’s father added. Bokuto reached up to touch his cheek as if on instinct.

“Don’t do that, Koutarou,” Keiji saw his parents share a look out the corner of his eye. “You’ll make it worse.”

Bokuto stared at Keiji for a moment before nodding and putting his hand back down. Sometimes he felt like he was constantly mothering Bokuto but he figured it was fine if it kept Bokuto (and him) out of trouble.

“So what do you boys have planned for today?” Keiji’s mom asked as she put plates stacked with pancakes on the table in front of them.

The two boys made eye contact and, in unison, responded, “Mario Cart.”

 

~~

 

Keiji won every round. They never got their homework done.

 

~~

 

Bokuto didn’t show up to morning practice and _he never missed practice_. Keiji felt dread boil up in his stomach but he went on with practice and checked his phone any chance he got. He brushed off any questions regarding where the loud captain was and hoped his face didn’t looked concerned.

When Bokuto wasn’t there for lunch either, Keiji thought about texting him. He wasn’t sure if Bokuto would answer, though, and that made him terrified. Bokuto had never failed to text him before but Keiji had a feeling this time was worse.

When he walked into the gym for afternoon practice Konoha pulled him to the side.

“Our homeroom teacher gave me the work Bokuto missed but I don’t live near him,” Konoha started. “Would you mind bringing it to him? I have his address.”

Keiji simply nodded and quickly typed the address into his phone. “Do you think coach would let me skip practice?” he asked and Konoha seemed to be shocked.

“Are you sure? I’m sure Bokuto can live without his work for a few hours.” Konoha was trying to laugh it off but could tell Keiji was completely serious. Keiji knew it was odd and before this weekend he would’ve waited until after practice. Things were different now, though, and the thought of what Bokuto could be going through at the moment made Keiji want to throw up. He just needed to make sure Bokuto was safe – as much as he could be anyway.

The coach was a little reluctant to have Keiji leave since he would be without both captain and vice captain but gave in after Keiji pointed out that neither had ever missed a practice before.

Keiji ran the whole way to Bokuto’s house and thanked all the gods he knew of that he didn’t have to take a train.

A lady with long white hair and golden eyes, much like Bokuto’s, answered the door after the third time Keiji rang the doorbell.

“What do you want, kid?” okay so she was rude.

“Um, I was wondering if Koutarou was around. He wasn’t at school today so I brought him the work he missed.” Keiji showed the lady in front of him the stack of papers.

“Oh I get it. You’re the fag’s boyfriend, aren’t you?” the lady smirked.

“Excuse me?” Keiji asked. Keiji had only known this woman for approximately thirty seconds and already wanted to deck her in the face.

 “Or maybe you’re his bitch,” this lady clearly had no filter and Keiji was starting to wonder how she ever became successful.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, ma’am, but I’m pretty sure that Koutarou has neither a boyfriend nor a bitch but you’re definitely acting like one. If you don’t mind, could you please let me see him?” Keiji tried to sound as sweet as possible and tried not to think about the fact that he just called Bokuto’s mom a bitch.

“You have some nerve. Why on earth would you think I would let a boy as rude as you into my house?” Keiji’s eye twitched at the fact that this woman actually had the nerve to sound offended.

_Koutarou has to live with that bitch._

“You’re right. I have no right to call you what you are. Please let Koutarou know I stopped by,” with that he turned and walked away from the looming house. He pulled out his phone after he turned down a street he hoped would take him to his neighborhood.

_She had bruises on her knuckles._

Bokuto picked up on the third ring.

“Please tell me you are not in your house right now,” Keiji practically yelled.

“I am not in my house right now,” Bokuto responded quietly and Keiji was able to make out soft music in the background. “I’m actually on your couch. Sorry, I probably should have texted you.”

“Thank god,” Keiji was close to sobbing.

“Keiji, why aren’t you at practice?” Bokuto sounded concerned. _Jackass. You have no right._

“I was told to bring you the work you missed today. No offense, but your mom is a bitch.” Keiji heard Bokuto chuckle.

“She is isn’t she? Sorry you had to meet her.”

“I’m sorry you have to live with her.” Keiji looked up and noticed he was close to his street. “I’m almost home. We can talk when I get there.”

“Oh okay. See you in a bit!”

“Yeah,” Keiji could have sworn he heard a meow right before the call ended.

 

~~

 

When he got home, Keiji found Bokuto on the couch, exactly where he said was. He did not, however, realize there would also be a cat in his lap. It was a fluffy, completely white cat with a blue collar around its neck. It would have been a cute sight had both of them not have multiple bandages on their bodies.

The cat had bandages wrapped around it two front legs but didn’t seem to be in any pain. Bokuto, however, had two band aids on his face, one on his forehead and the other on his nose. The bruise on his cheek, despite healing a considerable amount over the weekend, looked worse than it originally did.

Keiji could feel his eyes start to tear up. He rushed to Bokuto and wrapped his arms around him. The cat moved off of Bokuto’s lap but curled up next to him allowing Keiji to plant himself on Bokuto’s legs and hug him tighter.

“Your mom, she was so rude. Why would she call you that?” Keiji was sobbing into the crook of Bokuto’s neck and probably wasn’t making much sense. “Why would she ever want to hurt you?”

“I’m a disgrace. Sorry, Keiji.” Bokuto wrapped his arms around Keiji’s waist but before he could tighten his grip Keiji jerked up.

“Don’t you ever say that about yourself again,” Keiji growled. “You didn’t do anything to deserve to be treated this way.” Keiji cradled Bokuto’s face in his hands forcing them to look each other in the eye.

“This morning,” Bokuto’s voice cracked and his eyes welled up with tears. “This morning she started going off about how I was probably going off to sell myself. She started going on and on about how she couldn’t believe she gave birth to a fag. Then she threw a plate at Marshmallow when she started hissing at her. After that my dad came downstairs and –and –“ Bokuto started sobbing and all Keiji could do was hold him closer.

Suddenly hugging turned to kissing. It was wet and sloppy from both of them crying, but they didn’t mind at the moment.

Keiji held onto Bokuto as tight as he could but it wasn’t tight enough.

 

~~

 

It was raining.

Keiji was wrapped up in the arms of the wrong person and it _wouldn’t stop raining._

With his head pounding, Keiji silently slipped out of the unfamiliar covers and gathered his clothes off the freezing ground. He found his way out of the unknown house and down the street the hardly recognized.

He reached the cemetery in a daze and found the tombstone he knew far too well. Marshmallow was sleeping with her back pressed up against the cold stone when Keiji arrived. He let a small smile slip onto his face and scooped her up.

“Come on, Koutarou would want you to be sleeping somewhere warmer.”

**Author's Note:**

> So in case this was unclear, I was trying to imply that Bokuto kills himself a few years in the future.
> 
> I cried while writing this.


End file.
